It's been just about two months since I last posted and I thought I'd give everyone an update. I left LA in a quick hurry ( really, what other kind of hurry is there? besides the curry kind, anyway, which is delicious.) and drove to my motherland, the mountainous regions of Southeastern Idaho. I was supposed to leave a week later from there to training for my new position as a flight attendant, but the class was canceled and I ended up with a three week delay before the next one. Which would bring us all up to speed to the current moment (those three weeks of irresponsibility were fantastic, albeit a bit boring to the reader, so we're skipping them) where I'm sitting at a table in an upstairs hotel lobby with an eye on the Presidential Suite that has been the front for a rotating influx of one-hour customers making not-so-secretive drug exchanges behind those grandly carved closed wooden doors. I've made friends with the gray haired mustachioed shuttle driver and I think he'd be willing to transport me to any destination within a 20 mile radius, but that's where the problem is...there's not much to go to around here. We had a day off yesterday and rented a car to visit Indianapolis and circled the city center several times, toured the Indianapolis Art Museum,
saw a church with a VIP entrance and these praiseworthy signs outside of another church.
Other than that, my days have been spent in class, studying for class and sleeping until class. This past week has been very informative. I've been learning about all the various ways in which I could die in my new profession as a flight attendant. The reasons for death range from human error (by the pilot, flight attendant, gate agent, air traffic control, ground service personnel, maintenance and other plane's pilots and their respective crews) to my personal favorite, vaporization. Also Included in the list of deadly forces working against me are cabin fires, engine fires, lav fires, oven fires, laptops on fire, cockpit fires, smoke inhalation, rapid decompression, severe turbulence, explosive turbulence, bombs, bombs with shrapnel, crushing by crowding passengers, premature life vest inflation, hypoxia (preceded by slight euphoria, so that's not so bad), unidentified powders, infectious pathogens, lightning strikes, bird strikes and uncooperative passengers. Besides all those, we added unhappy drunks, hijackers and security threats to the list today. Plus, there really are snakes on planes occasionally and due to traumatic grade school bullying involving the potential forced entry of a snake into my mouth, I don't do well with them. (Karma's coming, Sara Eggbert.) For each scenario, we've watched videos or read accounts of a plane that experienced just such a catastrophic experience, to make sure that we know they're not making it up and that we have a clear image of our impending doom. Then again, we did see one video animatic where not one life was lost- the recent water ditching on the Hudson. Though our instructors were quick to point out that it was a total fluke and such a perfect landing will likely never occur again.
My class also received our base assignment this week - we'll all be heading to DC. I began my search for a home today and was pleasantly surprised that it seems to be just a bit cheaper than LA, or at least not more expensive. Today's possibilities included this gem
that promises that I'll be "surrounded by mature trees, manicured lawns and charming gardens sparkling with the season’s flowers" and presumes my decor will be black and white, I'll want to wear a striped scarf and somehow I'll instantly be transported to the 1970's anytime I play tennis.
Can it get any better? Seriously, I'm asking.